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I AM A SURVIVOR I am a survivor. A survivor of what you may ask. The answer is abuse. The pages in this section are dedicated to that. I have broken my silence and put my story on the web. If it reaches just one person I have achieved my goal. Firstly to my wife Mary, I want to thank you for all of the support you have given me. Through it all you have been there, encouraging me, holding me, supporting me. You have looked after me when I could not. You made sure that I got through some of the roughest times of my life. Not once did you let me fall. You were, and still are, my life line. I love you with all of my heart. I was sent a huge gift when you came into my life. I cherish my gift. I know there are times when I have taken your love and support for granted. I want to apologize for the times I have done so. I know living with me is not that easy. I hope that we will always take the time to work out our problems. Thank you for showing me the inner strength I have always had and for encouraging me to use it. (Sometimes just making me deal, knowing that I have the strength, thank you.) And to my family, I love you all and thank you for your support. It has not been easy for me or those who love me, to watch me go through the bad times. Not that I still don't have bad times, as this is a something I will live with for the rest of my life. I am writing this for me. I don't blame anyone but the person (people, but we'll come to that) who violated my rights. To others who are survivors. Take each day at a time. Deal with each moment, focus on that. You are not to blame for what has been done to you. You are beautiful, normal, and deserving of all that life has to offer you. Don't settle. Keep striving. If you are just starting on your journey of healing, don't give up hope. You are worthy, you are loveable. You are not abnormal, you should not be shunned, nor ashamed. Even if you think you are going backwards, chances are that you are not. Life is a spiral, even if you are going over something you thought you have dealt with, you are doing it again at a higher level, you have the experiences from the last time. You are not really in the same place. I know it may feel like you are only taking baby steps forward and huge steps back. Just keep focused on the baby steps forward. Many books say that to heal, you must forgive those who have hurt you, I have tried that path, and it did not work for me. Many of you may also have this problem. What you really need to do is place the blame to where it belongs, to those who did not protect and provide for you. To my dad, thank you for being there. Thank you for being a shoulder to cry on. Thank you for your support, even though you felt like you weren't doing anything. Just knowing I had a rock to support me, helped. I wanted to share my experiences with surviving child sexual abuse. I am a lot more comfortable admitting it and talking about it than I was at first. Its not something that goes away if ignore, if anything that only makes it worse. I want to share my experiences with others, even if I reach only one person. This is a work in progress... so it may be a little rough around the edges. Its not easy for me to go back and read my work, so please excuse grammar and spelling mistakes. Since putting up these pages, I have received several emails from people thanking me for telling my story. I want you all to know that I appreciate your support. Recommended Books: The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis This was absolutely the best book for me. I can't say enough about it. It answered the questions I was too afraid to ask in therapy. Although I do not agree with everything this book says, the answers it provided were invaluable to me. Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward This book helps you take back what you have lost through destructive parental relationships. It helps you to see the old patterns and break them. It concentrates on regaining self-confidence, inner strength, and emotional independence. The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron From the back of the book "A comprehensive twelve-week program to recover your creativity from a variety of blocks, including limiting beliefs, fear, self-sabotage, jealousy, guilt, addictions, and other inhibiting forces, replacing them with artistic confidence and productivity." I highly recommend this course. Although it can be done individually, many community colleges, book stores, or metaphysical shops offer this course for group support. Lovers & Survivors by S. Yvette de Biexedon, Ph.D A partner's guide to living with and loving a sexual abuse survivor. Mary found this book helpful. Links Incorporated in Tennessee and NC, Hope For Healing.Org is a chartered 501c3 non-profit corporation begun in 1996 for survivors of sexual crimes, our family, and the people who support us.
What is on the next page my be disturbing, and at times a little graphic. If you want to keep reading... click here.
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